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Story from a Birth Sibling

“Several years ago, a unanimous decision was made by myself and my 4 siblings that we were going to try to find our adopted sibling.  We had very minimal information to go on.  We thought our [birth] sibling was a girl.  We thought we might know where she was born.  We weren’t sure of the exact year of her birth, and we thought she may have been in an orphanage possibly affiliated with Catholic Social Services.  We went to that city and exhausted all of our leads.  We were told we needed to register with the Illinois Adoption Registry, which 3 of us did.  We were told that if our adopted sibling was trying to contact us through them, they would let us know.  Several of our family created accounts on Ancestry and sent tests in to determine DNA.  We learned how to investigate any leads that could be possible DNA matches, none of which led to anything.  Periodically, I called back to the IARMIE and was told that no one had tried to contact our family yet and they would let us know if anyone does.

In reviewing the letter from IARMIE, I noticed that there was mentioned a Confidential Intermediary program that you could call, and a phone number was provided.  I made that call and form the very first conversation with LaKisha, the process for filing into this program was explained in a very simple, easy to understand manner.  I was told there would be no charge for this program.  She was very patient, friendly, and respectful.  She said that it was good that we were already registered with IARMIE, as that is the first step.  That conversation gave me the first glimmer of hope that we may be able to find our [birth] sibling.  She sent he forms out to me that day in the mail, I completed them (after calling her back with a few questions), then returned them.

She told me that this process could take up to 3 months, but the Judge would appoint a CI to try to find our [birth] sibling.  Approximately 9 weeks later, I received a call from Laura who introduced herself as our court appointed CI.  She was very kind, informative, and very processional in her explanation of how the process works and what would happen next.  There were more forms which she emailed me to complete, sign, and return.

As soon as she received the forms she began her search for information about our adopted sibling.  Our CI was able to gain access to the information that we had been unable to obtain.  The process seemed to go very smoothly, and I was told information was coming back more quickly than usual.  She kept me informed every step of the way.

Sadly our [birth] sibling, a sister, had passed away 10 years ago.  We found out that she had a sister and 2 children.  The next step, we decided, was to find out about her life by trying to connect with her family if they were willing to talk to us.  We hoped that she had lived a happy life in her adoptive home.  We wondered so many things: Where had she lived? What career path had she chosen? What did she look like and would she resemble any of us?  Plus so many more!  Thankfully after signing consents to exchange information we were able to contact her sister and her daughter.  We were able to exchange pictures and learn of our [birth] sister’s life which they assured us was filled with love from kind, nurturing parents.  She was able to go to college and live our her passion for art and make her living designing beautiful unique jewelry as she raised her family.  She had a close relationship with her children as well.  Her resemblance to my mom in the pictures was so amazing!  She sounded like such a wonderful lady.  We really wished we could have known her!

The program has helped fill a void in our family’s lives.  We have mutually decided that we will someday soon meet our new family members when time allows.  They are really nice people and were so welcoming to our family.  Can’t wait to meet them!

Thank you so much for all you have done for us and for making this process so seamless and easy to understand.  It has been life-changing for our family to get the answers we have wondered about for all these years.  God bless you all for the investigative work you do and the skill and compassion with which you do it.”