Blog

“Being adopted never really seemed significant to me growing up as a child. My parents were very open  and made sure I knew they had adopted me and it was clear that what they did was special and I was ‘theirs’. They tried their best but even today I still feel as though I can´t be my authentic self. I never felt I was allowed to ask about my biological parents due to various reasons but mostly I did not want to hurt my parents´ feelings. About 15 years ago, I found out that people who were adopted were now able and allowed to receive their original birth certificate if born in Illinois. I decided to go for it. It was very emotional to see a blank space for my name and then to see my birth mother´s name at the bottom along with the hospital and doctor who were a part of it all. I also did 23 & Me to see if I had any matches.

A few years after this, I decided that I wanted to find my birth mother to thank her. I knew she had been a teen and the story of my conception that I was told indicated that my birth father was not worth looking for and she kept his name a secret. I contacted a detective and he looked but was unsuccessful and suggested that I speak to my parents about it. I did and, though it was one of the hardest and most hurtful conversations of my life, they gave me a contact to speak to. This person knew my birth mother and was one of the loveliest people I have met. I heard stories about her and she even called me by my birth mother´s nickname several times because I reminded her so much of her. Unfortunately, they had fell out of touch and she didn’t have her contact information. I already had reservations to reach out to my birth mother because I had been told not to for so long. Using a detective also didn’t feel right and I am glad he came up short and found nothing. My main purpose to find her was to share my gratitude, find out medical information, and see if I looked like her. However, I wanted to do this in the most respectful way possible. I wanted to respect her confidentiality, privacy, etc.

Last year, I conducted a random search on google after having a conversation with a friend. She had suggested that maybe the state of Illinois does something to help people like me. It was one of, maybe the most important, searches of my life. It led me to the Confidential Intermediary Service of Illinois. Every person I encountered was not only professional, but also empathetic and extremely supportive. The communication was timely, caring, and full of detailed information. The initial person I came into contact with was Jane [of the Illinois Adoption Registry]. She was very patient and guided me through the paperwork that needed to be filled out. Then, I was supported by LaKisha. She also was extremely helpful, kind and informative. She was very responsive and understanding when I had questions. After I was fully registered and I had no matches within the system I had the choice to start a search. This led me to Emily. Emily was absolutely amazing to work with. She was not only knowledgeable but also reliable and trustworthy. She followed through on when she would update me on the search and she was not only successful at locating my birth mother but my birth father as well. I had no idea this was even possible and I will forever be grateful to her and this program for this.

Due to me using this service, I was able to find my biological father and I was so pleasantly surprised when I finally got to meet him. Both of my birth parents are amazing and willing to stay in touch. Building these relationships are priceless and I finally have so many questions answered that I never dreamed would be possible. I´d like to thank the Confidential Intermediary Service of Illinois for making my dreams come true. I finally know my identity, see who I look like, know and learn various personality tendencies and medical history that I never would have known. The level of my appreciation and gratitude simply cannot be expressed in words. I encourage anyone that is adopted and hesitant to reach out to birth relatives to use this service. It is the safest and most respectful way to do so, in my opinion. It was also FREE. I only had to pay for a couple documents to be notarized. A special thanks to Jane, LaKisha, and Emily. You have changed my life and I will forever be grateful.”