After a CI case is completed, CISI asks all petitioners to tell us about their experience using a Confidential Intermediary. We also ask them to consider submitting a personal story to be posted on this website. Some topics we suggest they might want to include are:

• When and why you decided to search
• Your efforts to locate your relative before beginning the CI process
• How the CI program worked for you
• The outcome of your search
• Feelings that you had during the process

A number of birth parents, adoptees and other relatives have given us permission to share their stories on the CISI website in the hope that their experiences may be of help to others. All stories we receive for this purpose are being posted and are not edited other than to remove names and other identifying information.

7/15/2010
I assisted my father in searching for his OBC. I found out about your program via the internet. I spoke with Linda, and she walked me through the entire process step by step. She kept me apprized of any information, (within the law) that she discovered. I am confident we would have been able to access my dad's OBC, with her help, but with the change in the IL law, I stopped the search at the beginning of June. Thank you Linda!

5/4/2010
"My search began many years ago for my birth mother and birth father. I always seemed to come to a dead end. My adoptive parents and I had contemplated hiring Private Investigators, but they were always thousands of dollars. I finally came upon the CI program and decided it was the right program for me. I was appointed a confidential intermediary (Becca) who was the most wonderful, compassionate, caring person I have ever dealt with. She worked so hard on my case. Finally after about 4 months I had the answers I was looking for. Becca called me up and said I have located your birth mother. I was ecstatic ! She was going to send her a letter letting her know that I was searching for her. She than told me she had also located my birth father. Again I was so excited. All my life I had thought that my birth father knew nothing about me. (I had a letter from the adoption agency that said my birth father never knew of my birth mother's pregnancy) Both letters went out to my birth parents. One week later I got the call I had been waiting for. My birth father has been searching for me for the last 6 years!!! The CI program was everything I had hoped and more. This Friday (5/7/2010) I will be going to meet my birth mother and birth father for the first time. I also found out that I have 2 half brothers and a half sister. My birth dad and I talk about 6 times a day. I feel like he is my twin!! It's so wonderful finally knowing where I come from. I owe everything to Becca for finding my other family! I have already recommended the CI program to many of my friends and family who are also adopted. I am finally complete!"

5/3/2010
"Today I am 28 yrs. old. I was adopted at 2. While I had no memories of those 1st 2 years, I constantly thought about them. My adopted family always told me I was adopted, and I knew I would always search. Over the years I searched online with the limited info I had, with no success. Eventually I came across Midwest, they were great from the very beginning. In my situation, I imagine it was one of the more difficult cases due to the fact that I am in Prison. This made communication difficult at times. I could not just pick up a phone and call Midwest or vice versa. Becca was really great and we handled the entire thing via US postal service and a few scheduled phone calls. Becca really cut through all the red tape and got it done for me. Today I talk with my Mom, Dad, half siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles-none of them I previously knew! It's amazing!"

March 20, 2010

CI has been a wonderful tool in the search for my mother. I've tried number of avenues in my search. Unfortunately, Illinois makes it very difficult to get information; and in the early 60's when I was born a person did not have to be truthful regarding name, work, etc. This seems to be the case with me. CI worked my case for over 2 years, and always kept me informed.

January 20, 2010

First a warm personal thanks to my Confidential Intermediary Linda, for her persistence, kindness, and insights in this successful search that ended 71 years of separation from my biological family. Linda's patience was surely tested in dealing with this 71 year old hyperactive client.

I was fortunate to have been adopted by a loving family who lived their lives as positive role models. My two adopted brothers and I were told at an early age that we were adopted and that my parents would help us locate biological family through private contacts when we were ready. But, while at times in the 1950's there was an interest, it was never pressing partly due to our wonderful secure childhood and respect for our adoptive parents.

About 25 years ago when my children reached adulthood and questions began about health histories and physical traits, I made several attempts to locate my biological family with no success. It wasn't until just over two years ago in a phone conversation with two nice women, Vicki and Melissa, who worked for the Illinois Department of Public Health, that I became aware of the Confidential Intermediary Service program. Due to past secrecy, limited records, multiple cohabitations by both biological parents, uncertain paternity, moves and dead end leads, this was not an easy search for CISI. In July of 2009, Linda informed me my birth mother is alive, and my niece agreed to a contact. From this contact I have been able to secure photographs, and health histories and meet some very receptive relatives here in California. A younger half-brother still won't let me meet my mother or tell her that I have surfaced. In November of 2009, contact was made with a niece on my father's side of the family. From this contact I also received health histories and photographs and in January of 2010 found a much younger half-sister, with the possibility of another 5 or 6 more half siblings. What a guy! This letter doesn't contain the good "stuff" concerning bootlegging, prostitution, adultery, and especially business ties between Al Capone and my family in the 1920's back in your lovely state. I do have a priceless video interview of my mother, taken recently by a wonderful niece, as evidence.

On a more serious note, it would by my hope that every adopted adult born in Illinois be made aware of CISI and your professional services in providing information from health to bringing together lost family members. Even in this internet age, I would not have found my biological family without your services. My family and I thank you!

November 20, 2009

I don’t really have much of a story to tell. I went through the program in hopes that I could find my true family.  I had learned a while ago that my mother was from Wisconsin and the youngest of 9 children.  With this information, I felt that it was a good possibility that I could be successful.  However, I found that it seems that some people don’t want to be bothered hearing from the past.  I have always stated that I believe that forgiveness was necessary here.  Jesus Christ didn’t say forgive; he said to resolve conflicts, and that was what I was attempting to do.  I realize how difficult it is to ask for forgiveness and it is too easy to forgive and forget. However, many curses come about because of the lack of resolving situations and conflicts.  This was my main goal.  I was surprised that none of the relatives that Deanna contacted would even respond to her requests or letters.  They were probably thinking that it was such a long time ago; is it really? I can remember going to adoption meetings in Chicago and seeing someone reunited with a parent that they hadn’t seen for forty years or who put the person up for adoption fifty years earlier. My hopes were high.  When Deanna found a first cousin and two second cousins that were related to me, I was hoping that I could come in contact with them.  Since they don’t want to respond to me, there is little I can do.  However, the offer is still open.  If they want to contact me, I am very willing to respond.  All it takes is an email or a phone call.  As for me, I will keep on searching with the information I have.  I know that my dad is dead and my mother probably is too.  I will continue searching.  Just to tell the rest of the family that Jesus loves them.

November 6, 2009

I have been looking for years for my parents.  I saw the website for your agency and thought “why not?”  I had a wonderful CI, Linda, for the extensive search it took. How wonderfully compassionate she was to all involved!  She found my mom first, my mom was in shock cause she kept it a secret, she wanted no contact but them she said one letter a piece.  So at least I got that!  Then I asked Linda to search for my dad and she found him and he wanted contact! I was so thrilled! It turns out they both live in the same town and have remained friends!! I talk with my dad on the phone and someday hope to meet both! Thank you again Linda, you are truly an earth angel.

October 23, 2009

It was a very positive experience.  In the end, the results I may have unknowingly wished for didn’t happen. But, there was still a sense of knowing and closure.  The Intermediary, Becca, could not have offered more or been more compassionate.  She is truly a beautiful person!

October 19, 2009

It is interesting that I would receive this questionnaire when I did. Yesterday I picked up my sister, “S”, at the airport for a 10 day visit. The timing is very appropriate. Initially I was told that Illinois records were closed. End of story. I then hunted for Chicago Orphan Asylum where I was left and then placed in foster care. This, of course, does not still exist, but the internet is a great place and I did find an organization which I emailed. What followed was frustrating at best. The person with whom I spoke seemed very much to want to help but was muzzled by Illinois law. She tried valiantly to hint, suggesting that another agency might have been involved in my adoption. I had no way of knowing to what she was referring. I then contacted as many people who are still living associated with my adoptive father as I could find. Nobody knew anything. After that my companion began posting on various adoption sites until he stumbled onto Midwest Adoption Center.

Midwest Adoption Center walked me through the process. I had already done the paperwork with the State of Illinois that referred to medical information, etc., so I had a head start. I was assigned a CI, one Becca who is the calmest of people and just the one you want on the other end of this almost fools’ errand. Together we walked through the lengthy process. She never raised false hopes but kept in touch on a monthly basis. The wheels of the judiciary brand of government are hugely slow and there were several months of those monthly calls.

In retrospect, I had always wondered who my “people” were. I was completely unlike my adoptive family, both physically and emotionally, and perhaps even mentally, as I tend to have an active and creative mind, which wasn’t the norm where I lived. I thought I was stuck. Lucky for me my companion never took no for an answer and continued to search, thought I had given up years ago because of the laws in the State of Illinois. Closed records meant just that for me. My ex-sister-in-law, who is a legal aid, had opined that the laws had changed somewhat in Illinois a few years ago, but neither she nor I had figured out how. My partner stumbled onto Midwest Adoption Center. It was difficult at first to determine if they were just another scam offering false hopes or whether the program they offered was legitimate. Still, the price of admission was reasonable. I did not apply until I had the money in hand. I had written for the paperwork and received it, even filled it in, but had not mailed it. This is a shame, since my birth mother has been steadily deteriorating mentally over the past few months. Since I had no way of knowing this before the fact, I did not realize how much time was of the essence.

The call came in August of this year, if I remember correctly. It seems like months ago. I was told that I was the oldest of three sisters and that my mother was indeed alive though failing. My sister “S” and I have a great deal in common. My younger sister “C” and I have less in common but she lives near my daughter. “C’s” children and my grandchildren are close to the same ages so they have been spending time together. Mom, during my first couple of visits, may or may not have realized who I was, but she definitely “got it” over time. Because “S” is an investigator and because Mom had mentioned a man named “BB” over the years as being someone with whom she maintained contact, we pieced together her mutterings with past information and eventually—in about a week or so—turned up my two brothers on my father’s side. I am in contact with them as well. My older brother, “D”, ten years my junior, will be spending Thanksgiving with me. I talk to him on a weekly basis.

During the process, I tried not to have expectations. Emotionally I was neutral. When “the call” came I cried. Since then, I have concentrated on understanding that I belong somewhere. Both “S” and my brother “D” are much like me which is something I have not had my entire life. Sometimes I cry because I can’t visit my mother every few days. She lives several states away. Strangely she was born about two hours from where I now live. My sister “S” and I have agreed that we have no idea how to be sisters so well just fake it. It is going great. I am so pleased that she decided to come for a long visit. (Nearly a week has passed since I started writing this.) It has been a full and comfortable week. I am hugely grateful to have found my family.

September 3, 2009

My efforts before using the CIS was not successful.  We had gone to libraries and a few other places and we had no success at all.  I had called family to see if anybody could help but no one would come forward with any information at all.  People would tell me that was the past so forget about it.  I couldn’t do that and that’s when we started looking around for help. The program was the best thing that ever happened for me, because without the program’s help, I couldn’t have found my biological brother on my own.  (I had actually decided to search the very day I had been told that my mother died giving birth to a baby boy and {our family} gave him away.  There was no hesitation.)  The outcome of my search has been the greatest thing every!  I now have my brother back and a sister-in-law and a niece.  It’s a dream come true.  During the process I really had to keep myself pretty busy so I wouldn’t get depressed, but with the help of the CIS (Linda) and my family, I made it through and have come out of it extremely happy.  It is our beginning!!  Thank you CIS.

July 30, 2009

My search started 14 years ago.  After researching my adoption in the archives of the Chicago Law Review (by law all adoptions have to be published, yet they are (or were) published in a paper that only lawyers read) I discovered my birth name.  Later on, I came across the adoption agency that handled the adoption.  They sent me all the non-identifying information about my birth parents.  In 2005, I registered in Springfield on the Adoption Registry.  At that point, I realized when I received my amended birth certificate that I had 3 siblings born previously to me.  During the 14 year search, I would get frustrated only to pick it back up months (or sometimes years) later.  My adoptive parents (whom I loved very much) had passed away when I was a much younger person, so I was hungry to meet my biological family.  In 2008, I came across the “Confidential Intermediary Service” of Illinois.  I spoke with Linda, and decided to give it a try.  It took exactly 1 year, from May 2008 to May 2009 and I had to pay a nominal fee to conduct 2 searches (the first one was a dead end).  This service is truly a godsend for adoptees searching for biological families.  I’ve since met my 3 brothers (who didn’t know I exist) and we’re a cast of colorful characters that hang out together just about every weekend.  We love each other.  I’ve met aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews, cousins. It’s been the best experience of my life. 

July 27, 2009
Anyone interested can email me and I would be happy to correspond. robglarsen@aol.com

July 27, 2009
I would be happy to share my experience. Please give my email address to anyone you think would like to hear my story. LTapp@triad.rr.com

July 4, 2009

I am so very grateful to the Midwest Adoption Center for helping me discover my biological family.  I had started this process many years ago, but because of the many spellings of my family name, was unable to complete the process. My daughter decided about one year ago to start the process again, only this time she insisted on trying the Confidential Intermediary Service of Illinois.  We worked with Linda, who was very compassionate and extremely professional.

My feelings during the process were ambiguous at best.  I had heard of adoptees discovering their birth families only to be rejected.  I, not knowing what to expect, figured that I could “take it or leave it”.  I was very fortunate to be adopted into a wonderful family and had that to fall back on, so it didn’t make a difference.  However, I was very pleasantly surprised when my daughter and I first made contact with an uncle on January 30, 2009 (my biological mother had died in 1993).  We have since kept in contact and even though I have never met him, I love him dearly; he is a sweet, kind, man.  He even told me that if he had known about me that he would have taken me in rather than let me be adopted.  I’ve been in contact with one half-sister and on half-brother, all of whom have accepted me.  Additionally, I correspond with various cousins who have also accepted me as well.  I am so blessed to have two families.  I thank Linda for her hard work and dedication and I am very grateful for what has since transpired: I only wish others such as me could have the same results.

March 10, 2009
I waited too long! My adopted parents were open about my adoption but never gave me any specific or accurate information about my birth parents. I didn’t seriously start my search until I was sixty years old and I relied on the information my adopted parents had given me. Over ten plus years my search took me to numerous websites, two trips to Illinois where I visited the Illinois State Bureau of Vital Statistics, two visits to the Nation Archives in Laguna Nigel, CA, and all of the county offices in the county where my adoption had taken place. All was in vain. Then a friend of mine that lives in Illinois sent me a newspaper article about a new law that was passed allowing the CISI program to change. I immediately contacted the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services about the CISI program and promptly received information about the program and the necessary paperwork to petition the Court to have a CI appointed. The paperwork was comprehensive, very easy to understand and follow. I petitioned the court on my own and a CI was assigned to my case. Approximately one year later I was united with a half brother and three aunts. Sadly my birth mother had passed a year earlier. I have met all of them and their families and I maintain weekly contact with my brother. Surprisingly we have many interests in common and have become very close. An important side note is that on an annual physical I was found to have a hereditary condition that was pre-cancerous and was told by the doctor that if I had any siblings I should inform them to contact their doctor to be tested. Thankfully my brother and I are cancer free.

TRANSCRIPTION OF A HANDWRITTEN STORY

I didn’t begin searching before the CI process.  When I was 65 I received a phone message from (another state) – thought it might be my birth mother or relative – but it wasn’t.   I began then.  Contacted a cousin in (a city in Illinois) who is an attorney and he started the process.

In the spring of 2008 my birth mother’s sister was found in (another state).  She has adult children and they have children and grandchildren.  In June I went to (the other state) and met them --  only over night but they were very very warm and accepting.  They told me as much as they knew.  Also family stories and experiences.  Since I didn’t grow up with it as they did it was a lot to absorb all at one time.

I plan on journaling what I learned and my feelings also put the photos of family and birth mother with it.  My mother died 15 years ago.  She had a hard life but was a good person.  Even though I never met her she looked familiar to me in the photo.  I don’t really look like her.  Sometimes it is strange to have 2 families, 2 mothers.  It is an adjustment, but I am happy I did it.

I don’t blame my birth mother for giving me up.  She gave me a chance at a better life by doing so.  I feel love and gratitude towards her.  I only wish I could have been there to help her at the end when she was ill and in pain.

My birth family and I are different but I’m different from my adoptive family also.  We are trying to keep in touch and talk from time to time on the phone.  I am grateful for their acceptance.

I am glad I did this.  It helps me to understand myself more.  I can see that some of my past behavior and choices are in the genes.

The man listed as my father on the birth certificate has denied paternity.  I am disappointed not being able to learn about my birth father and his family but grateful for what I did learn.

During the process I felt impatient and scared at time.  But was pleased with the results.  There seemed to be a lot of excess paperwork too!

November 12, 2008
We all want to know from where we came. My life has been a story-book in nature, and I have always known that I was adopted and have consistently had the desire to know my lineage. When I was twenty-five, I located my birth father and have sustained a healthy relationship with him for thirty years. He was able to satiate a portion of my curiosity with answering questions, recalling events, etc.; however, the location of my birth mother had remained elusive until this year. CISI was recommended to me by the Illinois Department of Vital Statistics. From the onset, I was impressed by the unyielding professionalism that was offered to me by this reputable organization. My Confidential Intermediary became not only my representative during this process but also a caring friend. Once the details and paperwork were completed the story unfolded before me at a rapid pace—it was a surreal experience learning the specifics surrounding my beginnings. I learned that my biological mother had passed just a few months prior to my search; however an additional search was offered to me by CISI and I was able to locate the children of my biological mother; i.e., my siblings. This past summer I made the pilgrimage to their home where relationship was established, more questions answered, stacks of pictures offered to me, and the bittersweet trip to the gravesite of my biological mother was made. In conclusion, I have no regret—it was all good. A sense of completion and calm has washed over me and I no longer have any mystery in my life. During one of first telephone calls my Intermediary noted that my age at and birth year [54/54] were the same. She stated that it was my “golden year”. Truly, it has been that.

October 5, 2008
This letter is a small but genuine means to give thanks to the several agencies and individuals who made it possible for me to have contact with my birth son. I want to express my sincere appreciation for those who worked to revise the laws that made it possible for me to search for my birth son. I appreciated the ease of the process through the court to have an intermediary appointed. Further, I owe a debt of gratitude to all of those who have strived to make the necessary adjustments in the Confidential Intermediary service for it to function more effectively and thus find my birth son. A special thank you to Becca for all of her efforts to bring this search to a conclusion. My personal experience in this long journey from relinquishing to reuniting has been difficult. Throughout the years I have consistently comforted myself with the hope of the best future for my child and to one day have validation of my choice. The decision I made has proved out to have been the right one for my birth son, and for that I have an overwhelming sense of joy. For as much trials as I have gone through the last two and a half years waiting for contact to be made with my birth son, it has certainly been worth the wait for the amount of relief I have experienced since he was located and we began communicating. Please remember all of you who are involved in carrying out this vitally important service from beginning to end, that I counted on you to provide a link between me and my birth son. I only wanted to feel you had an understanding and compassion for my situation, an appreciation for my need to have answers to three decades of questions about my son’s life and that I be treated with all the sensitivity and respect during the emotionally difficult proves of attempting to contact with my loved one. At times, it was difficult not to waver in the decision to try to locate him when weeks feel like months, months feel like years and years (as well as three changes of my Intermediary) feel like a never ending span of time added to the perceived eternity I had already waited hoping the laws would change to make it possible to try and find him. Once in the process I felt an urgency that was real and ever present until the day I received the news he had been found and that he agreed to exchange letters with me. Happily, we are now in direct contact and I finally feel the burden of the unknown of his life lifted from my shoulders and I have a peace with my choice to have placed him for adoption. Now our relationship begins with much discovery of how much we share in common. It has been a few weeks since my birth son and I have been corresponding and I have had time to process much of all that has happened so although this may seem a little slow in coming please do not let that diminish the importance of the message. To all who had a part in helping me with the most important quest of my life I am truly grateful.

TRANSCRIPTION OF A HANDWRITTEN STORY

I wanted to write something for your website because I am so incredibly happy with the results of the search process my case worker helped me with.

I am going to be 33 in January of this year and all my life have known I was adopted.  I have gone on quite a few wild goose chases in my time. A friend of mine informed me of the new law that Illinois passed in 2005.*  It took me some time to prepare myself for all the possible outcomes of this search and when I felt ready I petitioned the court. My case worker was assigned to my case and she was wonderful. I have now reunited with my birth mother and I have a younger brother and a huge family that I am absolutely so excited about. I met the woman who gave birth to me this past week for the first time in my life and her son.  It was the most amazing experience. I can not thank her enough for giving me the best Christmas gift I could have ever asked for.

*  Note:  The Confidential Intermediary provision was first added to Illinois law in 1990.  At that time, only adult adoptees and adoptive parents of minors could petition the Court for the appointment of a CI – and had to have a medical reason for doing so.  Effective January 2004, the need for a medical cause for filing was removed and birth parents of adoptees over 21 and other categories of individuals impacted by adoption were eligible to file petitions.